Wishing doesn't make it true...

        I wish I was somebody. I wish I had a secret nobody else knew about and, I wish that when they did find out about it, they would be surprised and say things like "Oh, I never knew she could do that". I wish I was a surprise to someone.
...and not so predictable.

        I know this is hubris, and that it speaks to my ego, (of which I, seriously, have none,) but, there are times where, God, help me, these are the things that haunt me and, keep me up in my waking and sleeping hours.
Well, some of them anyway.
I wish I was more stable than this but, this is what I have to deal with right now...
At tis point I really hope I get better and move on to better things, and thoughts..

        My days are getting darker. I can feel it, like a tumour taking hold of what's left of me on the inside. If there is a war going on inside of me then, I think it's winning.